Almost one year later...

I have started and stopped writing this a thousand times but today I sat down and just wrote. I still have so many people ask how we are doing and how my dad is doing. I know that as we draw closer to the actual date I may or may not be able to get what I want to say down in writing but it was important for me to do this so I went ahead. I wrote just as an update for everyone on where we are. You know a lot of the day to day things but this is a bit deeper if you care to read. I cannot in any way shape or form thank everyone enough for the support over the past year. The number of messages, texts and calls I still get on holidays or really just on any given day of people letting us know they are still thinking of us is just so amazing. We love you and pray you are well and blessed ;-)


I can say that although it has been the toughest year of my life we have survived. It has been hard on days to see past the grief but we have overcome because we know that mom got the ultimate reward. Despite having many tough days this post is not meant to be a negative one. We have all hurt a lot this year but we have had some great times too and I feel like I have grown so much as a person. Out of the ashes of hurt and pain good does rise up ;-)

This year has opened my eyes to the world around me. It has taught me that God's grace and love never runs dry no matter how many times a minute, day or hour we have to call on HIM . Ask for what you need and if you have faith you will see HIM working. It has taught me to be a more empathetic person. I look at people now and assume that they are fighting a battle that day. Be it small or large it doesn't really matter does it? My goal is to be kind to them and love them. Be the hands and feet of Jesus to someone. Lift them up and edify them not tear them down. You never know how your interaction with someone could change their day. It has taught me that good friends are priceless and worth their weight in gold ( something I already knew but when you see your friends being Jesus to you it takes on a whole different meaning). It has taught me to be less selfish and more grateful. It has taught me to appreciate all the little things in life. Those moments with your family, husband, kids and friends that might just seem insignificant that those are the things that you will remember the most at the end of the day and the memories and moments most important to hold on to when that is all you have left.

I hope that because of this I am better version of myself. Although still a bit broken (aren't we all) I know that God is continuing to work on me and thru me. I know that his plans take time and he's in no rush. He's still writing my story and molding me into the person he wants me to be. I feel like he's pricking my heart and trying to turn me towards a ministry or work of some sort but I have no idea what it is yet. I'm still holding out to see what comes of it. I know when the time is right he will reveal his plans and not only that but he will make a way for me.

This year has been filled with old friendships that continue to sustain us and new friends that we are so fortunate God has placed in our path. A new church family and a home that we are slowly making our own. More family time than we could ever imagine and the growth of relationships between our boys and their grandparents like I never even imagined. What a precious gift to be able to give to our children for them to be so close to family. My dad is doing as well as I think anyone could expect. I absolutely could not be more proud of him and how well he has taken care of all of us during this past year even though I know it's been extremely difficult on him. He's getting back to old routines of going to the gym and regularly getting the boys and taking them out on excursions.

As for Cooper he still one year later will ask about mom 1-2 times a week at bedtime when we do prayers or he will randomly be looking out the window and say that he misses his Gigi. It just makes me realize even more how awesome my mom was being a grandma. No two ways about it she rocked it ;-) Cooper was just shy of 3 when she passed and he still misses her like it was yesterday. For now I do the best to explain heaven to him and let me tell you that is no small feat. Explaining something like heaven to an almost 4 year old can be almost comical at times. Bless the sweet innocent heart of our children. My biggest prayer is that he always keeps the memories he has now of how much she loved him and how close they were.

On the morning of July 21, 2013 we will remember how far we have come. One year after suddenly losing our precious mother we are living life. In many ways we are living a better more aware and God centered life. Doesn't make it any easier necessarily but to know we are living for HIM makes it bearable because we know we will see her again some day. I know that she is looking down on us with love and saying I know it is hard but job well done and.I miss you but I am absolutely where I am supposed to be and so are you.